Hole
Is it safe to say that I’m out of that phase already? I can’t even tell myself. Its been a roller coaster ride. All the ups and downs, leading to nowhere. Its been too long. But has it been long enough?
I keep telling myself, its over. Its a done deal. I have to ask myself, is this the truth in which I am currently living in? Or is it a lie that I use to cover up the process which I am still in. I read somewhere that it takes about 17 months for a normal person to get over somebody they love. By my count, its been 12. Heck I’ve got 5 months to spare. I do know that I shouldn’t really think about using up all those 5 months. This has got to stop. NOW.
I have to admit some things though, I still play imaginary scenarios in my head where reconciliation with that person is the main plot. I know its stupid, but its helped me sustain whatever hole was left there when she left. Sometimes I wish there’d be one random text of “Hello” from an unknown number that I recognize. But no, I know those things wont happen. Why do I keep doing them, though?
Heck, I still punch in a few stories about that person every now in then to my Mom. She’d go “Oh? Kawawa naman siya” and I’d go “Onga e. Hahaha!” But deep inside, I do pity her. I know I shouldn’t but I do. Maybe that’s it, maybe its because deep inside, I still care. Maybe what one of my friends said was right, maybe a part of me does still long for her. A part of me misses the things we did — oh, the things we did. I remember something that I heard before. That if you keep on reminiscing the good things that happened, only the good ones, you’d end up back to where you started. With that then, I guess everything so far has been futile. But no, it hasn’t been.
There’s this girl. I’ve been liking her for a long time now. Way back the first time I saw her during my freshmen years in college. I’d tell her how I feel but there are about three things that are keeping me from doing so. One, she has a boyfriend, two, the what ifs, and then finally, Torpe ako. I’d continue but this is for another time.
I’ve got to live by my line for the year 2012 — “Do Something About It”. I guess I will. I have to, I must. Or else I’ll be stuck in this loop hole for the rest of my life. I might even grow up to become a dirty old man with 7 cats.
Sorry nga pala.
